Wednesday, October 29, 2008

10 Things That Will NOT Help With Morning Sickness

It seems that every website on pregnancy and childbirth all have hints and tips to keep morning sickness at bay. And while that is all well and good, I thought I'd take a moment to talk about what certainly will NOT help you when you are feeling green. Think of it as a sort of backwards public service announcement.
  1. Cleaning up after a sick child. Oh sure, you may think that you'll be fine, as it's nothing you haven't done before. But trust me. When you bend over and start to wipe it up, it'll stir up all those smells afresh and you will not be able to get to the bathroom fast enough. And knowing this now, you won't attempt it and just about break your neck in your near-airborne trip down the stairs.
  2. Butchering a rabbit. Or a chicken. Or anything else for that matter. But my mistake was a rabbit. It's not so much the gutting, surprisingly, as by that time, it is all quite mechanical. But the killing. That is just harder when you are sick. And then the lingering smell that just doesn't seem to wash off your hands. Trust me. Don't do it.
  3. Cleaning out a clogged shower drain. So it's just hair, right? Shouldn't be that bad. But with that hair comes a sloppy mess of slime that'll be hard to stomach. The upside is that you are already in the bathroom. No extra mess if you lose it.
  4. Cooking. Just about anything. Why is it that things that smell delicious make you gag when you are pregnant. I don't know. All I know is that food prep of any sort seems to be a trigger for me. Perhaps I can talk Don into a few months of constant meals out?
  5. Wearing a face mask. This may be a seasonally important warning here, but I discovered this horror while wearing one of those white dust masks while installing insulation in the garage. Breathing stale air just isn't a good thing for those of us who are green.
  6. Going on a bumpy truck ride through a pasture. Enough said, I do believe.
  7. Wearing just about anything tight around the waist. It's not pretty. And frankly, as I seem to be showing already, it's really not pretty.
  8. Eating anything greasy or slimy. Even things that you actually think you'll be able to eat, before you finish your plate, you'll have to stop, force yourself to swallow what's in your mouth, and push your plate away.
  9. Milking a cow who decides to urinate. Of course, unfortunately, it isn't an isolated event. It seems that cows like to hold it in order to let loose while you are right there. Regardless, a cow can put out a pretty good amount and the smell can be overpowering, even for a cow and a barnyard.
  10. And lastly, driving by commercial chicken houses. Oh, heaven help me, the smell. I cannot describe it. All I can say is, that is no "Smart Chicken" in there. If they were smart, they'd escape into fresh air.
And there you have it. Don't say I'm not helpful. If I can save just one person from my mistakes, it'll all be worth it.


Jamie Stroupe said...

That is just to funny.I really enjoyed that. I am 33 wks pregnant and I think on a few of those I can relate. I would have to say the one that I can not relate with is milking the cow, we don't have any cows, but I would say that would do it.


Missus Wookie said...

oh yuckies! No intention of getting pregnant but I empathize tremendously from memories...

Hope you feel better soon!

Red Gate said...

ROFL!! I SOOOO sympathize! To this day, I cannot enjoy a good dinner of pork ribs due to being turned off when I was pg over 2 years ago!! I wish you the best!