Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Against my better judgment, I submitted myself to a Glucose test last Monday. I don't know why. I guess I thought it was an area where I could just not fight. I hated the idea of doing it, as my test with Meagan made me feel HORRIBLE. With Caleb, I think they just took my blood one day at an appointment. I didn't have to drink the nasty drink or anything. But, with Meagan, I had to fast for 12 hours, drink the drink & then sit around and wait. Well, for someone with a history of low blood sugar problems, that was totally asking for trouble. I left the test feeling totally jittery, hot, sweaty, spastic, and a little deranged. I shouldn't have been driving, really. And, the rest of the day, I felt just horrible. It took a full day to recover. My body had completely over-reacted to all that sugar on an empty stomach & sent my sugar levels way, way down.

But, this time, after I explained how sick it made me, the OB assured me that I did not have to be fasting. So, I guess I just thought I'd go ahead and give in. Why fight if I can just go along. So, I took the test. And he was right. Doing it without fasting wasn't bad at all. Well, as not bad as drinking pure fruit punch-flavored sugar can be. All the while, I was chiding myself for not refusing yet another "routine" test. Had I been with the midwife, I wouldn't have done it. She would've just continued to check my urine at every appointment & measured the baby.

Well, I failed. By 2 points. Of course, I wasn't fasting, so my lunch could've really affected the test. I'm not concerned that I'm actually at risk for gestational diabetes. But, now, the OB wants me to do the 3-hour fasting test. Exactly what made me so sick with Meagan (and it wasn't even a 3-hour test with her!) & what I was trying to avoid. I actually started to cry when the nurse told me that. I am that scared of the way it made me feel. And, really, if it made me feel that bad, how bad is it for the baby?

I am such a rules-follower at heart. I dream of being the kind of person who can just say no, but when push comes to shove, I give in. Avoid the situation. That's my motto. So far, I've avoided it. I told the nurse I'd have to call her back. I haven't. But, I can't keep that up forever. In fact, I go in for my next appointment on Thursday. It's a countdown. I've completely decided to refuse the second test. After all, I didn't fail by much. And, I can just watch my sugar intake for the rest of the pregnancy, which I should have been doing all along (that darn pregnancy sweet-tooth I have). But, I so utterly dread confronting the doctor with this. Why does that white coat make me feel so intimidated? But, Don will be there & he is 100% behind me. I can do this.

By the way, this is precisely why I want to stay out of the hospital. If I'm there & surrounded by people who are telling me what to do, I know I'll give in to things that I don't want to happen. I can talk big at home, but I know I'll shrink in the face of a barrage of "expert" advice. But, at home, with a like-minded attendant, I'll be comfortable and secure and confident. There's no place like home!

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